Asking the assistant to help her break up with her famous, co-star boyfriend:
I broke up with a very prominent actor boyfriend of hers. She said, "Oh, we're done making a movie together; it's not really going to work; I'm sort of seeing somebody else. Could you just tell him to back off and leave me alone?" And she said this over the phone, over Christmas. She told me, "Accept the date on my behalf. Take the date. Go instead of me." So, that's what I did. You would think sending a text is the worst — no. Sending your assistant to break up with him is the worst.

Calling the assistant (during her time off) to drive her to an emergency psychic appointment:
Once I got called in as an emergency because she said, "I need to see my therapist." So I had to leave my family and drive over and pick her up, because she was like, "After therapy, I can't drive." That's fine, I get it: So she's in with the therapist, and I'm sitting there in the car, reading, and I remember seeing the therapist's name — but she wasn't a therapist. Oh no. She was a palm reader. She was a palm reader that we got a discount for in the gift bag at an awards show. She was a psychic.

Coaxing the assistant to smuggle drugs for her on an airplane:
I started to check all the details on the things I had to do for her. Like when I had to go to pick up her quote-unquote "herbs" — I didn't realize until then: Oh crap, I'm a drug runner. She said "herbs" because she was being holistic, and I was naïve and thought it was something herbal to help her calm down. Once when we went to a film festival, I flew out early so I could lay out the clothes she would wear. When she got in, she was like, "Did you get my stuff?" What stuff? "Oh, I put some stuff in your bag." Oh my God, I went on a fucking plane carrying drugs for you? I could have gotten arrested! You could have at least told me so I knew what I was doing, and put it in the bag that's not checked! What are you doing to me?