The world's most famous secret agent has been boozing it up since his first appearance in Casino Royal in 1953. But science reveals if James Bond was a real human instead of an invincible symbol of masculinity, he'd be a raging alcoholic and dead at 56.

Liver specialist Dr. Indra Neil Guha and his colleagues at Nottingham University Hospital studied 12 of Ian Fleming's Bond novels and gathered data on the spy's drinking habits. The results published in the British Medical Journal have been visualized in this infographic by Makovsky Integrated Communications, and who that Bond is a category 3 drinker:



Bond consumed an average of 92 alcoholic drinks per week, or six to seven times a day - which is more than four times England's recommended amount - which would have left him at a high risk for depression, cirrhosis of the liver, and hypertension.

“Ideally, vodka martinis should be stirred, not shaken,” the researchers report in the British Medical Journal’s Christmas issue. “That Bond would make such an elementary mistake in his preferences seemed incongruous with his otherwise impeccable mastery of culinary etiquette.” They suspect another reason forced him to shake his cocktails: “James Bond was unlikely to be able to stir his drinks, even if he would have wanted to, because of likely alcohol-induced tremor,” the researchers write.

Additionally, the British spy would have had a tough time steadying his Beretta. He'd also be slurring as hell, and his memory for poker numbers would have been messed up. The insane amount of boozing would also have cause sexual dysfunction, “which would considerably affect his womanizing,” the study notes.

But the researchers understand that Bond is a really stressed out guy, saying, “We appreciate the societal pressures to consume alcohol when working with international terrorists and high-stakes gamblers.” But they still politely urge him to lay off the sauce: “We would advise Bond be referred for further assessment of his alcohol intake and reduce his intake to safe levels.”