At some point in their lives, every man is going to have the pleasure - and pain - of organizing a stag do. It’s a tough gig, and one that puts you in the spotlight. Everyone will be watching, from all of your best pal’s friends to the mother of the bride. Let down the former, and you face ridicule. But let down the latter, and your life may not be worth living.

So, how do you go about making both parties happy? Yes, you’ll need to think about some hijinx. But at the same time, things aren’t going to be pretty for you - or the groom - if he is found by the police. Naked, and with an orange sellotaped in his mouth at the end of Brighton Pier. There’s a balance to be struck here - and here’s how to do it.


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The Testosterone Defence

Your first move is to think about packing as many wholesome activities as you can into your weekend. We call this the Testosterone Defence. Now, there is a direct correlation between the average age of your group and the effects of the Testosterone Defence. The older they are, the more likely they will be knackered after a hard day’s paintballing, go-karting, and football. And that means a far tamer ‘session’ in the evening. Younger groups should really push the boat out in the day - even running the London Marathon may not have the desired effect.

The Butler Technique

For those of you who just can’t be bothered, why not try the Butler Technique? It’s simple, incredibly lazy, but effective. Head over to stagit.ie or somewhere similar and let them do everything for you. As long as you have a basic idea of what you want to do, they’ll take care of everything - for a small price, of course. When everyone congratulates you on such a successful weekend, just lap up the praise: you deserve it.

Alpha Style

This method of organization takes big cajones. You have to lay down the law right from the off, and boss that entire bunch of lads. Ask no questions, and make it clear you aren’t interested in anyone else’s opinion. It’s your responsibility, and you are going to arrange everything on your terms. You'll act like a shady debt collector when it comes to collecting the money. People will understand that you are not to be messed with. Once they know who is in charge, all you need to do is clear your ideas with the bride and her mum, and everything will be sweet.

The Joker

You have to pick the right moment to play your Joker, as you will only get away with it once. There will be plenty of moments when things appear to be getting out of hand on the stag do. And, when they do, it’s up to you to decide whether they are controllable or that it’s time to step in. A round of shots too many is not the time to play your Joker. But when the groom is about to be stripped down to the skin, tied to a motorbike, and dragged through a busy city centre? That’s when you reveal that the greatest kebab house known to man is just over on the next street.

There you have it - the no-sweat guide to running a stag do. Follow these methods and you should keep everyone happy - and in check!