A lot of people know diamonds are dumb. Guys know it. Women know it. Heck, there have been articles on the net calling it dumb too. But we keep falling for the trap that it is the symbol of eternal love. Who knew De Beers' marketing could last this long?

But if you really don't have a choice, and your special lady friend has been eyeing diamonds lately...Here's how you can go about it.

If you can afford it:

1. Set a budget, then know how big you want to go
2. Women don't know anything about clarity, or brilliance. And so do you. So just buy the biggest one that doesn't have all the Cs.
3. Forget the certificate. Unless you really plan on pawning it. But don't expect a lot of money in return.

If you can't afford it but are adamant on buying one:

1. Send her articles about babies first.
2. Then send her articles on how to keep babies safe.
3. Try to find an article that slips in how unsafe it is to have large sharp objects around a baby.
4. Set a budget, then know how small it would take for her to throw it back at your face.
5. Go for a decent sized one.
6. Tell her you've invested into your future together.
7. Find something to invest in.
8. Go for a holiday.

A diamond is a depreciating asset masquerading as an investment. Don't be fooled, people!

No one is going to judge you, bro. No one. If they do, fuck 'em. All that matters, is your happiness.