How to Ask People Out, Be Turned Down and Keep Coming Back For More
Aug 19, 2008 01:40
Asking people out is easy. In fact, it’s the
easiest part of the entire relationship process. By definition, it has
to be the first step, yet many people never make it that far, simply
because of the fear of rejection.
Here’s the secret: repetition.
Not asking people out because you might be turned
down is entirely self-defeating. It’s like not applying for a job
because you might not get it or refusing to cross a road because you
might be hit by a bus. Your mentality is backward from the start.
Subsequently, this negative attitude increases the chance of failure,
which will then decrease the number of times you will be prepared to
I’ll be honest with you – a lot of the time, you will
be turned down. Understanding and accepting that this is the inevitable
start of your journey towards true relationship enlightenment.
1. Ask people out. Often, and I mean, a lot.
Not the same person – that’s the fast route to crazy and/or jail – but
many different people. Make a habit of it. When you’re out at a club
and see somebody you like, ask them out. What’s the worse thing that
can happen – they can say “no,” right? So what? What difference does
that really make in the grander scheme of things? So you’re a little
embarrassed or hurt. You’ll get over it. You may never get over not
asking. Like applying for jobs, or playing the lottery, the hit rate on
relationship application success is low. If you let one rejection set
you back to the point where you stop asking, you’ll never meet anyone.
2. Use your common sense. Aim
high, but don’t try for the majors if your batting average stinks.
Practice, practice, practice. Then work your way up to the majors. The
idea that somebody is “way out of your league” is generally put into
our heads by people who feel that way about themselves. How many times
have you seen a great-looking woman with a so-so man, or vice versa?
How did that happen? They asked. Beautiful people (certainly women)
often complain that nobody asks them out because they fear being
rejected. Could you hope for any more of an invite?
3. Don’t ask people out in front of a crowd.
Do make sure they can hear you properly. If that person gets weird or
mocks you about it, count your blessings that they said “no” and move
4. Keep on asking. Roll with the
punches. Ask, ask, ask and then ask some more. Over time, those stings
will become less significant. More importantly, the actual process of
asking will no longer be any kind of hurdle.
5. Practice makes perfect. Go to
a mall or the beach. See somebody you like and ask them out. Whether
they say yes or no is immaterial; the point is you’re conditioning yourself to ask people out.
The more this happens, the more accomplished you’ll become. This is
particularly true if you’re rejected a lot. It doesn’t matter. Keep
your spirits up, stay positive, see the humor in it all and keep asking.
I’m not telling you to become a stalker. I’m
telling you to become a pro. Do anything enough, and it becomes second
nature. It becomes natural and ceases to be awkward or difficult.
You’ll get good at it. This, of course, breeds confidence, which will
make you better at it.
Condition yourself to reject rejection, and never look back. Easier said than done, you say? Not so – I’ve been there.
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