reader’s question
Hey Doc,

I was in a relationship for five years with a great girl I’ll never, ever speak badly about. Candy was attractive, caring, smart, and great with my friends and family. Sadly, we met too young: I was 17 and she was 16. We needed to experience more as we grew older, and ultimately called it quits. From that time until now I’ve dated four girls, all lasting two to three months tops, and all were pure crap. I tried out an older woman, a 36-year-old. Romantically, it was hot, if you catch my meaning, but the age difference was the deciding factor in ending that. The last girl I dated was just plain miserable and talked about herself too much, but I sucked it up, went with it and tried it out. After she split with me (I didn’t care), I realized that I was never once myself around her. I like to joke and have a good time, and for some reason I couldn’t around her.
i’m a nice guy, honest
So the upshot is that my dating life is pure failure. I seem to be having trouble finding the right girl. Are there specific types of girls I like? Certainly. I don’t ask for much: be cute, cool, educated, and take care of yourself. I’m nice to everyone, or at least try to be, and I just want the same in return. I’m not a guy who approaches a girl at a bar. I’m 25, so I’m at the age where I just want to meet a cool girl and see where it goes. I don’t want marriage or kids anytime soon; there’s plenty of time in life for that later on.
man’s quest for love
I realize the girls I’ve dated aren’t for me. I go through these periods where I have lots of girls texting me, then I go for a long period where I have nothing. It’s unbalanced, and I don’t really like it. I have awesome friends and parents and a pretty good life, and I truly try to not to let the fact that I can’t find a relationship bring me down. However, everyone yearns for a companion and for finding the right girl at some point -- that’s human nature. I’ll take any suggestions that’ll help with finding the right girl.

Tyrus - who's having a hard time finding the right girl
doc love’s answer
Hi Tyrus,

When you say that you and Candy called it quits, what you really mean to say is that she dropped you. I just wanted to clear that up for you. So, please call it what it is, OK?
occupations need a battle plan
It seems that you’ve been able to get dates with a bunch of different women, which means you’re doing something right, but like my cousin General Love says: “The problem is that you don’t have any battle plan for dealing with them.” And like my cousin Admiral Love adds: “You’re just like a rudderless ship out there on the sea, sailor. Sometimes a storm rages and tosses you around, and sometimes it’s smooth sailing. You don’t know which end of the boat is up.”

you need to bag a cougar, but…
So, you dated an older woman. It’s good that it came to an end. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says: “You ain’t supposed to go out with a cougar, sonny. You’re supposed to go out with someone younger than you.”

You shouldn’t have sucked it up with the last girl you went out with who made you so miserable. As soon as you figured out what the deal was, you should have gotten out of there on the double. You didn’t care after you split up with her because you were so miserable. What troubles me is that you had her do your dirty work for you. Why did you hang around for a lousy time with a girl who has low self-esteem, Tyrus? If you were taking a beating, you should have split with her instead of the other way around. The good part is, however, that you do seem to have some insight into what’s happening as you are in the process of growing up and becoming aware.
no guts, no glory
If your dating life is pure failure, that’s exactly why you need “The System.” I will give you this: At least you have the guts to admit it. Ninety percent of guys protest: “Oh no, I don’t need any coaching!” But let me tell you something: Lots of guys are going through exactly what you’re going through, but they refuse to admit it or listen to me. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says: “They’d rather listen to their own egos and continue flopping with women.”

In addition to those qualities in a woman that you wish for, there’s something else you want: a Flexible Giver. And you’re not getting her. Also, you don’t want psycho cases, which it seems you’ve already had.
trolling the trolls in a bar
You’re lucky you don’t approach women in bars, man. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says: “Most girls go to bars to drink for free off of strangers and have their egos stroked, then they go home to their boyfriends who are completely oblivious.” So, you do have some hope, my friend. Stay out of those bars.

You’re absolutely right that there should be no hurry for marriage and kids, but the problem here is that you have no selection process for finding the right girl. You don’t know how to read women quickly, Tyrus, and that’s where I come in. Because after truly grasping my techniques, you’ll be able to do just that: You’ll be able to read women quickly, which is what I’m all about. You’ll be able to see the danger signs and red flags immediately, which means you won’t waste time hanging around and being miserable like you were.

Texting is just a waste of time, pal. You should be asking these girls out and using the techniques in my book on them instead of spinning your wheels. Then your situation would be different and you wouldn’t be caught in this vicious cycle you’re marooned in.
tyrus has butter fingers
Even if you found a relationship, Tyrus, you couldn’t keep it because you don’t know what to do to hold onto a woman. Again, that’s where my principles are invaluable.

Do I have suggestions? Yes. Memorize my materials. You have to do what I tell you to do and not think. It’s that simple. So what are you waiting for?

Remember, guys: If you’re not happy with your love life, my book is your salvation.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”