Certain things are
needed to push women over the brink of ecstasy. Try these bedroom-tested
When I'm this close to orgasm -- eyes squeezed shut,
lips twisted, cheeks glowing -- the most descriptive word
wouldn't be "passionate" or "erotic." It would be "determined." Because right
then, at the edges of my fading consciousness, I'm worried that the phone will
ring, my knees will lose their traction on the sheets, or my boyfriend will
change position, and suddenly I'll be sliding away from that elusive peak
instead of moving toward it. For the 75 percent of women who don't always
reach orgasm during intercourse,
this happens all the time.
What we need is a fuse blower -- that last shot of stimulation
that blasts us into never-never land. "Calling it a fuse blower is pretty
appropriate," says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. "Recent studies show that in
order for a woman to achieve orgasm, the part of her brain
associated with stress, emotion, and anxiety has to shut down."
If you're able to do something to a woman that feels so
incredibly good that she completely relaxes and lets go, you're highly likely to
make that woman climax.
My friends helped me compile this list of orgasm triggers. Get
her to the point where she's sweaty and breathing fast, then try one.
THE DOUBLE GRIP
Despite all the attention her booty may attract when she's
walking down the street in tight jeans or bending over a file cabinet, a woman's
butt is too often sidelined during sex. And that's why grabbing both of her
cheeks when she's on top may be just the unexpected turn-on a girl needs to get
"The buttocks are packed with nerve endings," says Gilda Carle,
Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York City. "To give her a surprising jolt
of pleasure, spread your fingers wide and squeeze both buttocks
But take it one step at a time. Yes, of course, there are women
out there who crave a good spanking, but until you've had a conversation about
this sort of thing -- however playful you are -- just keep it simple.
THE UP SHIFT
It was Rachel, in college, who told
me about this trick: "When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position,
have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his
penis rubs against your clitoris." Yes, Rachel really talked like this, and yes,
college was fun.
This tactic is even more orgasmic if the woman's legs are
together and the man's are straddling her. "It increases clitoral stimulation,"
says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A., an adjunct professor of human sexuality at
RutgersUniversity. You can achieve
the same effect when she's on top by propping yourself up on your elbows, which
places your abdomen in closer contact with her sweet spot.
There's no question that clitoral contact is the ultimate fuse
blower. But how -- and how much -- depends on the woman. "Going down on a woman
allows you to get a real sense of the stimulation she likes at every stage of
arousal, especially the final one," says Kerner, who wrote a whole book on the
subject: She Comes First. It also eliminates any performance anxiety
she has during intercourse, so she can kick back and enjoy.
Learn what she likes. Get between her legs and give her a solid
base of lips, tongue, gums, and even chin to rub against. At first, use your
hands to guide her hips to let her know you want her to do the grinding. When
she takes over, note how hard she's pushing and in what direction. Use that
information later when using your fingers or giving her a more aggressive tongue
THE DROP TRICK
Steady clitoral contact is essential to female orgasm. But
without adequate lubrication, it can become uncomfortable.
"Lubrication increases the comfort and speed with which you can
penetrate the vagina and grind against the clitoris," says Friedrichs. "But
sometimes, no matter how turned on a woman might be psychologically, she can
have trouble getting wet."
Try a couple of drops of lube on the end of your tool. Then
thrust with short, rhythmic strokes while pressing your body against her pubic
mound. Don't use too much lube or it'll feel like throwing a hot dog down a
Consider a pack of Astroglide "lubricant pillows". It's much nicer to pull an
individual foil packet out of your bedside drawer than to use a sticky,
THE NECK WARMER
Our necks are highly responsive touch pads -- the skin is thin,
and the blood vessels are close to the surface. Psychologically, it can remind
some women of "their first sexual experiences, which could make it even more
exciting," Friedrichs says. No hickeys, please: Don't suck.
When you're having sex and she's clearly moving toward orgasm,
brush your lips from her collarbone to her jaw, then give her neck big, warm
kisses until she comes unhinged.
For a verbal girl -- and there are a lot of us out here -- a
string of four-letter words whispered in the heat of the moment can work
"Start by complimenting her or talking about how good what
you're doing feels," advises Friedrichs. If she doesn't say anything back, she
might not be into it. If she responds with "Oh, yeah" or a similarly
enthusiastic phrase, she wants more.
"Nothing makes me hotter than when he describes what he's doing
to me in explicit language," says my friend Lana. "But I'm picky -- there are
certain terms that drive me wild, and others that make me cringe."
Build a glossary: A goofy conversation over drinks about which
anatomical nicknames are the sexiest isn't a bad idea. And if she ever seems
horrified by what comes out of your mouth, just say, "Sorry about that, I got
Final note: Skip cheerleader comments like "C'mon baby, you can
THE DREAM MACHINE
"It's a simple fact that some women can climax only by using a
vibrator," says Friedrichs. If your partner never hits her high note, no matter
what you try, simply ask her if she's ever had a battery-assisted orgasm. If she
says no, introduce her to a whole new world of wow by ordering something small
but powerful, such as the Aqua Touch Vibe (goodvibes.com).
If she's over the age of 30, her answer will probably be yes,
and she'll be more than happy to pull her Hitachi Magic Wand out of her bedside
drawer. After asking what pressure and speed she prefers (many vibrators have
several settings), all you have to do is hold it against her clitoris as you
move from one position to another. Enjoy the magic show.
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