you are, you aren’t average. Sure, you might be of average height, have
average grades, average intelligence and even earn an average income,
but the total sum of appearance, intelligence, interests, emotions etc.
that make up you is unique. You are unique. And if you’re reading this,
you and your unique self would like to find a great unique woman to
hook up with, right?
And yet every where I look there are men
looking for dates, love, sex etc. touting themselves as “average” as if
it’s something to brag about. On internet dating sites I read one man
after another’s profiles that state “I’m just an ordinary guy, just
your average guy, just a nice guy...” This is not the way to spark the
interest and admiration of the opposite sex, guys! This is the way to
continue to find yourself alone on a Saturday night!
In your quest for a romantic
relationship, or even a hot sexual tryst, you’re looking for someone
who sparks you, who fascinates you, whose very presence fills you with
desire, right? So why hasn’t it occurred to you that women want the
very same thing –- especially the sort of attractive, interesting,
on-the-go women who’ve caught your eye?
There are a couple outside factors, I
believe, that set men up for this “normal guy deserves fantastic woman”
ideal. One is that men own and delight in the fact that they’re visual
creatures, but forget that women have their own visual standards they
find attractive in suitors. Two, is that season after season, hit
television shows (usually comedies) feature an overweight relatively
un-ambitious guy married to a very sexy attractive woman -– like, say,
on “King of Queens”.
The problem with comparing your life to
television land, or anything in any Hollywood movie, is that it’s the
fantasy life of the writer – not real life! In his book “The Science of
Romance” author Nigel Barber states “...women have three essential
needs in a husband – social success, physical attractiveness, and
emotional support...” It’s a no brainer to realize that even if a woman
isn’t looking for a husband, she’s still looking for those three
important attributes. Let’s remind ourselves of them again: Social
success, physical attractiveness, and emotional support. Please note
the term “average Joe” isn’t one of them.
So what can you do? You can remember that
you’re unique, not average, and you must have the desire to better
yourself and your romantic opportunities or you wouldn’t be here
reading this. This week let’s go over those three qualities women look
for in a man and discuss how you can begin to stand out as a champion
in each one.
Success and notoriety of just about any
kind are aphrodisiacs to women. Convicted killers have been known to
not only receive fan mail from women in prison, they’ve also married
their more ardent and steadfast fans! No, I don’t recommend that you
kill anyone to gain attention, or even break the law, but what this
points out is that your success doesn’t necessarily have to be monetary
in order for women to find you a tantalizing prospect. The challenge is
that you have to discover yourself first; no one else is going to do it
Of course you know that athletes, actors
and models are considered “catches” to women, but there are all kinds
of interesting ways in life to succeed and gain female attention (and
for every athlete, actor and model, there are hundreds of thousands of
single women who are not looking for these few men).
So to succed and gain female attention,
you simply need to be known for being good at what you do. Whether your
passion is to “Save The Wales”, invent the next electronic gadget we
can’t live without, or inspire people to vote, it doesn’t matter. What
matters is that you get attention for it. Think I’m being overly
optimistic about this? Think for a minute about “American Idol” runner
up “Clay Aiken”. He was a self professed (and Simon agreed) geek when
he entered the contest... but he happened to be a geek with a solid
gold voice, a lot of humility, an amazing sense of self respect and
charm to boot. The guy who didn’t think any one girl would ever really
want him is now the toast of Hollywood, and followed by swarms of fans
wherever he goes. Sure, your little sister, mom and grandmother love
him – but I’ve seen those groups of fans following him around and let
me tell you, you wouldn’t be turning them all away.
I say “Thank God” for the show “Queer Eye
For The Straight Guy” because at last it’s brought to light how sloppy
many straight men tend to their appearance. There is absolutely no
reason not to make the most of whatever you’ve got! None! Straightening
up your posture alone can make you far more appealing... so stop
We are the richest country on the planet
with the best deals in clothing, and yet if you spent a couple of hours
on any main street in America (except for maybe in Beverly Hills, New
York, or Miami), you’d never know this was true. On the whole we dress
like slobs in this country and men are the worst!
If only you’d recognize the power the
well dressed man has on women! I didn’t say “expensive designer label
dressed man” -- I said “well dressed man”. You can be casually sporty
and still be well dressed. What it takes is training your eye for the
shapes and colors of clothes that show you off to your very best.
Lest you think that I’m going to demand
you spend hours at the gym now, think again. Again from “The Science of
Romance” author Nigel Barber writes “Although women are attracted to
muscular men, they do not like heavily muscled bodies of the Mr.
Universe type.” He points out that women prefer the type of men who
would have been successful hunters: Strong enough to subdue prey, but
not too heavy to impede mobility on long hunting trips. Okay, so yes,
being physically fit helps... but no, you don’t need to spend hours
pumping iron or popping steroids.
Please get it through your heads right
now that being “emotionally supportive” to a woman does NOT mean that
you are her personal errand runner or counseling service. We’ve told
you before and we’ll tell you again, you can’t friend your way into a
woman’s heart! You can, however, do something on dates that men have a
hard time with – and that’s listening.
Men often think they need to impress a
woman by what they’ve accomplished in life. Often they’ll take control
of the conversation and end up boring a woman to death, someone they
thought they were really making headway with. Learn to let your actions
speak louder than your words, and let your ears learn the power of
In Robert Greene’s book “The Art of
Seduction”, in the chapter titled “The Art of Charm” he tells us, “Make
your target the center of attention... To be a Charmer you have to
learn to listen and observe”. In “Mars and Venus on a Date”, author
John Gray recommends that you call a woman the day after a date even if
you have nothing in particular to say. He advises “By listening to her
talk about the date, you will get more points than you got from
actually taking her on the date. If you call first before she calls
you, then you get bonus points”.
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