Whoever you are, you aren’t average. Sure, you might be of average height, have average grades, average intelligence and even earn an average income, but the total sum of appearance, intelligence, interests, emotions etc. that make up you is unique. You are unique. And if you’re reading this, you and your unique self would like to find a great unique woman to hook up with, right?

And yet every where I look there are men looking for dates, love, sex etc. touting themselves as “average” as if it’s something to brag about. On internet dating sites I read one man after another’s profiles that state “I’m just an ordinary guy, just your average guy, just a nice guy...” This is not the way to spark the interest and admiration of the opposite sex, guys! This is the way to continue to find yourself alone on a Saturday night!

In your quest for a romantic relationship, or even a hot sexual tryst, you’re looking for someone who sparks you, who fascinates you, whose very presence fills you with desire, right? So why hasn’t it occurred to you that women want the very same thing –- especially the sort of attractive, interesting, on-the-go women who’ve caught your eye?

There are a couple outside factors, I believe, that set men up for this “normal guy deserves fantastic woman” ideal. One is that men own and delight in the fact that they’re visual creatures, but forget that women have their own visual standards they find attractive in suitors. Two, is that season after season, hit television shows (usually comedies) feature an overweight relatively un-ambitious guy married to a very sexy attractive woman -– like, say, on “King of Queens”.

The problem with comparing your life to television land, or anything in any Hollywood movie, is that it’s the fantasy life of the writer – not real life! In his book “The Science of Romance” author Nigel Barber states “...women have three essential needs in a husband – social success, physical attractiveness, and emotional support...” It’s a no brainer to realize that even if a woman isn’t looking for a husband, she’s still looking for those three important attributes. Let’s remind ourselves of them again: Social success, physical attractiveness, and emotional support. Please note the term “average Joe” isn’t one of them.

So what can you do? You can remember that you’re unique, not average, and you must have the desire to better yourself and your romantic opportunities or you wouldn’t be here reading this. This week let’s go over those three qualities women look for in a man and discuss how you can begin to stand out as a champion in each one.


Social Success

Success and notoriety of just about any kind are aphrodisiacs to women. Convicted killers have been known to not only receive fan mail from women in prison, they’ve also married their more ardent and steadfast fans! No, I don’t recommend that you kill anyone to gain attention, or even break the law, but what this points out is that your success doesn’t necessarily have to be monetary in order for women to find you a tantalizing prospect. The challenge is that you have to discover yourself first; no one else is going to do it for you.

Of course you know that athletes, actors and models are considered “catches” to women, but there are all kinds of interesting ways in life to succeed and gain female attention (and for every athlete, actor and model, there are hundreds of thousands of single women who are not looking for these few men).

So to succed and gain female attention, you simply need to be known for being good at what you do. Whether your passion is to “Save The Wales”, invent the next electronic gadget we can’t live without, or inspire people to vote, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you get attention for it. Think I’m being overly optimistic about this? Think for a minute about “American Idol” runner up “Clay Aiken”. He was a self professed (and Simon agreed) geek when he entered the contest... but he happened to be a geek with a solid gold voice, a lot of humility, an amazing sense of self respect and charm to boot. The guy who didn’t think any one girl would ever really want him is now the toast of Hollywood, and followed by swarms of fans wherever he goes. Sure, your little sister, mom and grandmother love him – but I’ve seen those groups of fans following him around and let me tell you, you wouldn’t be turning them all away.


Physical Attractiveness

I say “Thank God” for the show “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” because at last it’s brought to light how sloppy many straight men tend to their appearance. There is absolutely no reason not to make the most of whatever you’ve got! None! Straightening up your posture alone can make you far more appealing... so stop slouching.

We are the richest country on the planet with the best deals in clothing, and yet if you spent a couple of hours on any main street in America (except for maybe in Beverly Hills, New York, or Miami), you’d never know this was true. On the whole we dress like slobs in this country and men are the worst!

If only you’d recognize the power the well dressed man has on women! I didn’t say “expensive designer label dressed man” -- I said “well dressed man”. You can be casually sporty and still be well dressed. What it takes is training your eye for the shapes and colors of clothes that show you off to your very best.

Lest you think that I’m going to demand you spend hours at the gym now, think again. Again from “The Science of Romance” author Nigel Barber writes “Although women are attracted to muscular men, they do not like heavily muscled bodies of the Mr. Universe type.” He points out that women prefer the type of men who would have been successful hunters: Strong enough to subdue prey, but not too heavy to impede mobility on long hunting trips. Okay, so yes, being physically fit helps... but no, you don’t need to spend hours pumping iron or popping steroids.


Emotional Support

Please get it through your heads right now that being “emotionally supportive” to a woman does NOT mean that you are her personal errand runner or counseling service. We’ve told you before and we’ll tell you again, you can’t friend your way into a woman’s heart! You can, however, do something on dates that men have a hard time with – and that’s listening.

Men often think they need to impress a woman by what they’ve accomplished in life. Often they’ll take control of the conversation and end up boring a woman to death, someone they thought they were really making headway with. Learn to let your actions speak louder than your words, and let your ears learn the power of listening.

In Robert Greene’s book “The Art of Seduction”, in the chapter titled “The Art of Charm” he tells us, “Make your target the center of attention... To be a Charmer you have to learn to listen and observe”. In “Mars and Venus on a Date”, author John Gray recommends that you call a woman the day after a date even if you have nothing in particular to say. He advises “By listening to her talk about the date, you will get more points than you got from actually taking her on the date. If you call first before she calls you, then you get bonus points”.

Source: MBalmer