1. Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon

Even their worst buddy movies are like bad pizza--not that bad at all.

2. The Cheap Seats

You don't have to be on top of the action. Occasionally seeing a game from way up here can give you a new perspective.

3. Lucy Liu

Always has that look in her eye like she's about to give you the best sex of your life. And then cut your throat for enjoying it. Any of you guys mind? Anyone?

4. Sitting in Your Car Until The Song Ends

Bye-Bye Miss American Pie is 10:03. So what!

5. Telecom stocks

Made cheap through bashing, leprous through scandal . . . yet we're all still paying the phone bill every month.

6. A Good Meal

One that doesn't come from a box. One you're not rushing through. One not simmering with tension from yesterday's arguments. Just a meal that someone cooked because they give a damn about you.

7. Colin Harrison Novels

Don't know him? Look him up.

8. Real Breasts

A couple of flesh-covered Swiss balls look great whipping around a fire pole from 50 feet away. But hands-on, the real things still rock.

9. Pittsburgh

Beautiful, fun, surprising, cheap. (Like that girl in '92.)

10. A Spanking

But never in the heat of the moment. A formal cheek-lashing that the naughty one knows is coming, and why it's coming. Naughty woman or naughty child? Your call.

11. Inaction

Sometimes the worst decisions are made because you decide you have to do something.

12. Peace and Quiet

A campfire, a dog, a beer net in the stream, and no humans for 48 hours.

13. Museums

Alone, you can lose yourself. With a girl, you can act and crack wise. With kids, it's painless culture, with a caf... hot dog waiting at the end.

14. Swearing

The effectiveness of a well-timed and perfectly pitched profanity.

15. Saturday Mornings

Getting anything done before 9 a.m. on a Saturday.

16. Johnnie Johnson, Chuck Berry's Piano Player

You can barely hear him on those old records, but check out Johnnie B. Bad--you'll hear why Mick and Keith brought him onstage during their most recent tour.

17. Missionary Position

The car chase of sexual stunts--done a thousand times. But done well, always a crowd-pleaser.

18. Limited Choice

Thousands of mutual funds, hundreds of cable channels, and scores of toothpastes are depressing the hell out of us, according to no less than five recent studies. Just line up three options and pick one.

19. Talking Up the Old Lady

It's common to hear tell of nagging, harping, and griping. Rare is the man who speaks of his mate's caretaking, encouraging, and giggling.

20. Sideburns

Just let the suckers grow. Muttonchops are the new mullet.

21. Sleep

It's the one thing we all think is expendable that's not.