Even their worst buddy movies are like bad pizza--not that bad at all.
2. The Cheap Seats
You don't have to be on top of the action. Occasionally seeing a game from way up here can give you a new perspective.
3. Lucy Liu
Always has that look in her eye like she's about to give you the best sex of your life. And then cut your throat for enjoying it. Any of you guys mind? Anyone?
4. Sitting in Your Car Until The Song Ends
Bye-Bye Miss American Pie is 10:03. So what!
5. Telecom stocks
Made cheap through bashing, leprous through scandal . . . yet we're all still paying the phone bill every month.
6. A Good Meal
One that doesn't come from a box. One you're not rushing through. One not simmering with tension from yesterday's arguments. Just a meal that someone cooked because they give a damn about you.
7. Colin Harrison Novels
Don't know him? Look him up.
8. Real Breasts
A couple of flesh-covered Swiss balls look great whipping around a fire pole from 50 feet away. But hands-on, the real things still rock.
Beautiful, fun, surprising, cheap. (Like that girl in '92.)
10. A Spanking
But never in the heat of the moment. A formal cheek-lashing that the naughty one knows is coming, and why it's coming. Naughty woman or naughty child? Your call.
Sometimes the worst decisions are made because you decide you have to do something.
12. Peace and Quiet
A campfire, a dog, a beer net in the stream, and no humans for 48 hours.
Alone, you can lose yourself. With a girl, you can act and crack wise. With kids, it's painless culture, with a caf... hot dog waiting at the end.
The effectiveness of a well-timed and perfectly pitched profanity.
15. Saturday Mornings
Getting anything done before 9 a.m. on a Saturday.
16. Johnnie Johnson, Chuck Berry's Piano Player
You can barely hear him on those old records, but check out Johnnie B. Bad--you'll hear why Mick and Keith brought him onstage during their most recent tour.
17. Missionary Position
The car chase of sexual stunts--done a thousand times. But done well, always a crowd-pleaser.
18. Limited Choice
Thousands of mutual funds, hundreds of cable channels, and scores of toothpastes are depressing the hell out of us, according to no less than five recent studies. Just line up three options and pick one.
19. Talking Up the Old Lady
It's common to hear tell of nagging, harping, and griping. Rare is the man who speaks of his mate's caretaking, encouraging, and giggling.
Just let the suckers grow. Muttonchops are the new mullet.
It's the one thing we all think is expendable that's not.
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