Sooner or later we’ve all heard it. Yep, I’m talking about the dreaded “Let’s Just Be Friends” speech from a woman we’re dying to be oh-so-much-more with. There are no ifs-ands-or-buts about it. It sucks. But it doesn’t have to be the nail in the coffin. There is life after the “Let’s Be Friends” speech, there will be opportunities to turn things around, but you have to handle things very carefully.

Here’s what not to do:

Beg her to reconsider. Remember you are a man, even if a very young one. Do everything possible to either date or merely sleep with her best friend. Hang around her as much as possible with a hurt, hang dog expression.

Here’s why. Women have been known to change their minds – but only if they start to see the man in question in a new light. Something about you currently just isn’t ring her chimes. But you can’t argue, beg or plead your way into her seeing you differently. What you can do is step back, reconsider and put a new game into play. Let me lay out some basic strategy for you:


Make Yourself Scarce For Now

Don’t be too available, or even go near her (if possible) for the next two or three weeks. When you do see her be pleasant but have other things to do and other places to go. You are no longer available to fix her car, go see a movie another guy wouldn’t dream of, or to listen to her daily trials and tribulations. That will only cement you into the “friend” position, and the longer you stay there the harder it is to get out of it.


Don’t Call Her

Making yourself scarce means you shouldn’t be in contact in any way, and that includes phone calls, emails and instant messaging. If she contacts you for any reason do get back to her – but not right away, and be very brief when you do. If she calls, you email. You don’t want her to think you’re trying to get back at her, but you do want her to know your world doesn’t revolve around her (even if presently it does).


Stop Thinking About Her

This is tough but you’ve got to do it. If it means replacing her face with one of the hot chicks from “Lost” every time you think about her do it. Remember there are more fish in the ocean. There are other women out there who’ll catch your interest if you allow it to happen. The more you stay mentally focused on this one woman the more you’re going to psychically repel her with your sad pathetic longing energy. Let go. Really let go and open your mind up to new possibilities.


Get A Life

Yes this is easier said than done when you’re heartsick but you’ve got to buck up and do it. This is especially hard when you hang in the same group of friends, so it may entail making new ones. This is the time to dust off a passion and put new focus and interest into it. What is it that you’ve been dying to do again or try for the first time? Bungee Jump? Hike that local mountain? Get a pilot’s license? Go back to school? Note, when I said get a life I meant a winning life, not a losing life. This isn’t the time to sit your sorry ass on the couch and leave it there gorging yourself on fast food. The only way you’re going to get another go at this woman is to get her to realize she’s underestimated you. If you stay put on the couch you’re lucky she even pondered you in the first place.


Start Going Out

Once you start doing something you really love you’re going to feel better about yourself. That’s the time to start going out and honing your social skills with women. That’s also why you need some new friends to hang out with – you don’t want to be trying out your new pick up lines around the woman who only wanted to be your friend. She doesn’t need to see you at it when you’re still a bit crushed and feel you’ve still got training wheels on.


You May Contact Her Only When You Feel Great

Okay, here’s the deal, you can either contact her or be in the same group as her again – but only after you’re feeling much better than you ever imagined you could feel. Until then avoid her like the plague. She is not going to see you in a new light until you see yourself that way. Can you fake it? A bit. And do fake it if you happen to run into her too early. Don’t brag. Don’t talk about a fake new girlfriend. Just be pleasant, excited about some new interests and keep it short.

Once you’re feeling good, once you’re open to dating new women (or have in fact started to date new women), you can be in touch with her very briefly or you can hang a bit in the same group again. Only contact her with some interesting bit of information you thought she’d like to know (like where a band she’s really into is playing soon) – not that you miss her and are dying to see her. With this you remind her that you’re a thoughtful dude who knows her taste, but you’re not asking her out again. When you’re around her again don’t avoid being in her presence, but don’t push to be near here. Always ask how she is, tell her it’s good to see her, but don’t give her compliments and don’t engage in long conversation unless she backs you into a corner. Remember you have new exciting things going on.


When You Can Let Your Guard Down A Bit

You can relax a bit when she starts contacting you or seeking you out…but be careful. If she starts putting you in the friend role again because “no one understands her like you” head for the hills as quickly as you politely can. You are not her therapist; you’re a guy who wants to get lucky with her. If she starts paying you compliments, playing with her hair while she talks to you, and tilting her head to the side while talking to you she’s flirting. At that point tell her you’ve got to run at the moment but you’ve love to get together with her for coffee soon and you’ll call her.

Don’t ask her out on a romantic date and don’t call right away…give it a couple of days. You never want your presence in her life to be like a good old reliable doormat. When you get together don’t brag. If you’re seeing someone else (and good for you if you are) admit to it, but hold your cards close to your chest. Be mysterious and happy about your life. Tell her about the fun new things you’re up to and let her know it would be cool to do it together sometime.

Let her now be the one curious over whether she’s been put in the friend role.


Source: Grant Day