or later we’ve all heard it. Yep, I’m talking about the dreaded “Let’s
Just Be Friends” speech from a woman we’re dying to be oh-so-much-more
with. There are no ifs-ands-or-buts about it. It sucks. But it doesn’t
have to be the nail in the coffin. There is life after the “Let’s Be
Friends” speech, there will be opportunities to turn things around, but
you have to handle things very carefully.
Here’s what not to do:
Beg her to reconsider. Remember you are a man, even if a very young one.
Do everything possible to either date or merely sleep with her best friend.
Hang around her as much as possible with a hurt, hang dog expression.
Here’s why. Women have been known to
change their minds – but only if they start to see the man in question
in a new light. Something about you currently just isn’t ring her
chimes. But you can’t argue, beg or plead your way into her seeing you
differently. What you can do is step back, reconsider and put a new
game into play. Let me lay out some basic strategy for you:
Make Yourself Scarce For Now
Don’t be too available, or even go near
her (if possible) for the next two or three weeks. When you do see her
be pleasant but have other things to do and other places to go. You are
no longer available to fix her car, go see a movie another guy wouldn’t
dream of, or to listen to her daily trials and tribulations. That will
only cement you into the “friend” position, and the longer you stay
there the harder it is to get out of it.
Don’t Call Her
Making yourself scarce means you
shouldn’t be in contact in any way, and that includes phone calls,
emails and instant messaging. If she contacts you for any reason do get
back to her – but not right away, and be very brief when you do. If she
calls, you email. You don’t want her to think you’re trying to get back
at her, but you do want her to know your world doesn’t revolve around
her (even if presently it does).
Stop Thinking About Her
This is tough but you’ve got to do it. If
it means replacing her face with one of the hot chicks from “Lost”
every time you think about her do it. Remember there are more fish in
the ocean. There are other women out there who’ll catch your interest
if you allow it to happen. The more you stay mentally focused on this
one woman the more you’re going to psychically repel her with your sad
pathetic longing energy. Let go. Really let go and open your mind up to
Get A Life
Yes this is easier said than done when
you’re heartsick but you’ve got to buck up and do it. This is
especially hard when you hang in the same group of friends, so it may
entail making new ones. This is the time to dust off a passion and put
new focus and interest into it. What is it that you’ve been dying to do
again or try for the first time? Bungee Jump? Hike that local mountain?
Get a pilot’s license? Go back to school? Note, when I said get a life
I meant a winning life, not a losing life. This isn’t the time to sit
your sorry ass on the couch and leave it there gorging yourself on fast
food. The only way you’re going to get another go at this woman is to
get her to realize she’s underestimated you. If you stay put on the
couch you’re lucky she even pondered you in the first place.
Start Going Out
Once you start doing something you really
love you’re going to feel better about yourself. That’s the time to
start going out and honing your social skills with women. That’s also
why you need some new friends to hang out with – you don’t want to be
trying out your new pick up lines around the woman who only wanted to
be your friend. She doesn’t need to see you at it when you’re still a
bit crushed and feel you’ve still got training wheels on.
You May Contact Her Only When You Feel Great
Okay, here’s the deal, you can either
contact her or be in the same group as her again – but only after
you’re feeling much better than you ever imagined you could feel. Until
then avoid her like the plague. She is not going to see you in a new
light until you see yourself that way. Can you fake it? A bit. And do
fake it if you happen to run into her too early. Don’t brag. Don’t talk
about a fake new girlfriend. Just be pleasant, excited about some new
interests and keep it short.
Once you’re feeling good, once you’re
open to dating new women (or have in fact started to date new women),
you can be in touch with her very briefly or you can hang a bit in the
same group again. Only contact her with some interesting bit of
information you thought she’d like to know (like where a band she’s
really into is playing soon) – not that you miss her and are dying to
see her. With this you remind her that you’re a thoughtful dude who
knows her taste, but you’re not asking her out again. When you’re
around her again don’t avoid being in her presence, but don’t push to
be near here. Always ask how she is, tell her it’s good to see her, but
don’t give her compliments and don’t engage in long conversation unless
she backs you into a corner. Remember you have new exciting things
When You Can Let Your Guard Down A Bit
You can relax a bit when she starts
contacting you or seeking you out…but be careful. If she starts putting
you in the friend role again because “no one understands her like you”
head for the hills as quickly as you politely can. You are not her
therapist; you’re a guy who wants to get lucky with her. If she starts
paying you compliments, playing with her hair while she talks to you,
and tilting her head to the side while talking to you she’s flirting.
At that point tell her you’ve got to run at the moment but you’ve love
to get together with her for coffee soon and you’ll call her.
Don’t ask her out on a romantic date and
don’t call right away…give it a couple of days. You never want your
presence in her life to be like a good old reliable doormat. When you
get together don’t brag. If you’re seeing someone else (and good for
you if you are) admit to it, but hold your cards close to your chest.
Be mysterious and happy about your life. Tell her about the fun new
things you’re up to and let her know it would be cool to do it together
Let her now be the one curious over whether she’s been put in the friend role.
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