There is something men suck at when we’re
around women we find hot – listening to them. Later on, after a
relationship gets going women complain about our lack of talking, but
in the beginning we usually run off at the mouth, blabbing about every
possible thing we can think of to make ourselves look good. This is a
fatal error men. Continue on this way and you will find yourself
lonelier than you need to be because:
1) You bore every woman you’re interested in to death.
2) You have no actual clue what the women who interest you is interested in.
I know we’ve talked about poor listening
skills before but it’s so powerful I just have to remind you of it. We
need to reveal a lot more on this subject.
An acquaintance of ours here at SI went
out on a date with a guy who never ever let her get a word in edgewise.
He took her out to a lovely restaurant, spent the bucks, but he never
ask her one thing about herself. And guys I’m not talking about some
wallflower here. This woman is hot, and charming, and a lot of fun. But
this idiot couldn’t stop talking about himself as he tried to impress
her. She couldn’t wait to get home! The next day he sent her a
beautiful arrangement of flowers and a card to let her know what a
great time he had. She never called him back. She couldn’t stand the
thought of being subjected to another couple hours of him going on and
on about himself.
Do Not Bore Women You’re Attracted To
Yeah, I know, there’s a lot of guys out
there writing about how you need to have this “king of the block”
attitude if you want to bag the hottest babes. Okay, fine, you do need
to be confident – but you don’t have to bore women with your bravado.
Use it sparingly. In fact, it’s more powerful if you feel confidence
within yourself, but don’t find the need to announce it to the world. Brad Pitt
doesn’t talk about confidence because he already has it. Same goes for
Tom Cruise. A confident man doesn’t need to constantly promote how
great he is to women because he knows he’s a catch. His actions speak
louder than words.
Another important point about reining in
your urge to talk up yourself is the fact that the more you show your
hand the less mysterious you’ll be. Everyone loves a mystery. Hold
something back. Women like to be intrigued. Share personal information
slowly. Answer her if she specifically asks you about various aspects
of yourself, but otherwise see how long you can keep from telling her
every possible detail.
Only When You Know Her Taste Will Your Dates Dazzle Her
Women are all unique individuals, and yet
some men get it into their head (even very successful, well traveled
men) that the same nice restaurant, the same view, the same walk on the
beach, the same flowers etc. etc. will work just fine for each new
woman they date. Even players make this mistake when they get too
hooked into a particular “scene” and think absolutely every woman wants
to be a part of it. Wrong. Sure, it’s important to keep up on great
places to eat, to dance, to hang out, etc. but it’s equally important
to understand each new woman’s interests and likes. The only way you’re
going to find this out is by asking her questions about herself, her
likes and dislikes, and actually listening to the response.
If you want to be successful at seducing
women with your dating skills you need to make the dates more about her
than about you – but without fawning all over her and acting like you
can’t wait to waltz her down the aisle. If you’ve listened intently to
her at the first “get to know you coffee/drink, or via email or the
phone you should have a good idea what at least a few of her strong
likes and dislikes are. In fact, you should make it a habit, a goal of
yours, to do just this with your conversation. Why? First and foremost
you need to figure out whether the two of you actually have anything in
common, and secondly you need to be gathering information to create
If you think you’ll blank out on the
phone prepare a list of questions ahead of time and keep them handy.
Find out what kind movies she likes (obviously), her favorite cuisine,
sport, animal, part of the city/town you live in, road trip, music etc.
Find out if she’s traveled much or has any ambition to, find out if she
thinks picnics in the park are romantic, or prefers dining at fine
restaurants with many stars in their rating. Of course you don’t want
to make it sound like you’re quizzing her, but you do want to come
across as being genuinely interested in her as a human being. And
hopefully you really are.
For example, unless you know for a fact
she’s dying to see the latest horror thriller that don’t take her no
matter how much you want to see it – go another time with your buddies
and instead choose a movie you know she’ll enjoy. It doesn’t have to be
a totally gooey chick flick that will make you sick to your stomach,
but it does need to be something you choose with her in mind. It’s also
not wise to splurge on great seats for a concert for a band you love
but have no idea whether she’s ever even heard of.
If you were listening well during the
first conversations you’ve gathered some good information. You know,
for example, that she hates Indian food but loves Thai, you know that
she loves Kinky Reggae but hates those “80’s nights” so many of the
clubs feature at least one night every week, and these tid bits of
information, along with everything else you’ve gathered and will
continue to gather, will be just the thing to make a date with you
stand out positively in her memory.
Fine dating is an art, it really is.
Master it and you will be the envy of your friends because women brag
to everyone and anyone they can get their hands on when a man shows
them a really good time.
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