3 Reasons You and Your Lover May Have Different Sex Drives
Nov 11, 2008 10:30
If your relationship is in turmoil because one partner has lost his or her interest in sex, the explanation might be psychological or medical or something else entirely, such as a secret attraction or affair. But there other, simpler explanations as well, rooted in lack of good communication.
Here are three very common reasons behind "sexual disconnect."
1. Gender If you're a heterosexual couple, the problem could
just be that what arouses men is often very different from what arouses
women. A man may respond more quickly, whereas a woman's arousal may be
more like "warm water that slowly is brought to a boil," says Joy
Davidson, PhD, a New York City–based psychologist who's on the board of
directors of the American Association of Sexuality Educators,
Counselors and Therapists. "You might conclude that his libido is
higher than hers," Davidson says. "It's not the case. They are
processing stimulation differently and responding to different cues."
2. Priorities There also may be a difference in priorities,
says Davidson: "If one person thinks having a passionate sexual
relationship is critical, absolutely central to the marriage, and the
other sees it as the icing on the cake, that is not a libido
difference, it's a difference in values."
3. Experience Someone
with little prior sexual experience may simply not know yet what will
turn him or her on. Your relationship is just the place to experiment
with this mystery. Exploring it carefully and sensitively is generally
good for both partners.
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