It's a tricky subject to broach, but if your sex life
goes with a whimper rather than a bang then you have to do something
The other options are suffering in
silence followed by an explosion of resentment, or dumping them and
leaving the good bits of your current relationship behind along with
the bad stuff. If your *ahem* 'physical needs' aren't even close to
being met, there's sometimes an overpowering temptation to be
So, to prevent future heartache
all round it's better to do something about it sooner rather than
later. You can 'retrain' him (mainly non-verbal) or you can talk it out.
essence of this little project is to reward good behaviour. Even if
he's the worst fumbler in the world he'll hit on a few of the right
spots eventually, just as a random event. A truly inept lover will then
bumble on to do something else that's less enjoyable, so stop him when
you've got him where you want.
heavily, sigh lustily, and groan loudly with passion. You won't have to
exaggerate forever, he'll soon learn what you like and will think he's
a right stud, without being made to feel like he's been given orders
from miss bossyboots. If he really doesn't know what he's doing, buy a
really good quality sex manual 'to read together' and make sure you
always leave it round at his place.
You want to be
touched in a particular place or way, but are sick of asking/
explaining? Just gently guide his hands to where you want them. You
want oral sex but he's a bit backwards in coming forwards? Get into bed
upside down. You get the idea.
Talking it out
there's something that you know you really like, but it doesn't happen
often enough. Prompt him into action with a choice comment such as: "Do
you remember when we went to that restaurant/did it on the
beach/wrestled covered in baby oil? That was such a BIG turn on..." Any
fella with a bit of common sense will be waving bruschetta/holiday
brochures/Dr Johnson's finest at you soon enough.
also the one-for-you and one-for-me ploy, which is great for when you'd
like to try something new. Whisper in their ear that you'd like to know
about their fantasies, and make sure you tell them all about yours. The
downside of this one is that when they finally get round to buying
those satin sheets you love the look of, they'll be ruined by the
chocolate sauce he fancies. Or is that just stuff that happens at
Changing his bad ways
on to the final bit of problem solving. Easily the toughest problem to
tackle is dealing with a bloke who keeps doing things that really turn
you off, rather than forgetting to do things to turn you on. You really
have to talk to him about it, but pick the right moment. Don't say it
just before or during sex, as this will only put him on the defensive.
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