A woman wrote to Salon columnist Cary, about her inability to get over a man for 12 years. She met him in Hawaii, and he made it clear to her that he will leave someday as to pursue his career plans and a PhD. Despite that, they continued with the relationship, and fell in love.
The woman then had an accidental pregnancy with his man, but had an abortion as they didn't want a child. She writes, "I have this odd suspicion that this connection somehow "fused" me to him on some level I can't quite explain." Eventually, her lover left the country to live his life.
Ever since then, although she has dated and slept with other men, she is still "in love" with him, and hasn't gotten over him for 12 years. She says that as she's close to his father and brother, and he and his current girlfriend go on National Geographic programs, she cannot escape him.
Cary's response? MEDITATE. Uhh.. ok, perhaps that might help.
But the reality is, that many of us go through this, having frustratingly tough times getting over the loss of someone we love - especially when the other person has found another person to love. Like this woman, perhaps many of us can't get over them because they have moved on, and are happy, while we aren't. So how does one mend a broken heart? Well, it depends..
Lots of people would instantly say, "FRIENDS, BOOZE, SEX and PARTIES!" Sure, if that's what moves you. It does help, sometimes. But of course, you never know when your feelings are still lurking somewhere behind all those friends, booze, sex and parties.
Others would say to just pick yourself up, let it go, and get over it. It's not easy, but it can be done. You're inability to get over someone and sadness goes as far as you allow it. It's mind over body, mind power, psychoing yourself, or whatever you call it. You're in control of your own feelings someway or another, so you can get over it.
You can also get to the root of your problem: seek out the reasons why you broke up, be aware of them and resolve to change yourself for the better to avoid the same mistakes in the future. Try not to cling to the things that connect you to that person, like the woman, who follows her ex's activity on National Geographic on the internet.
Other than that, you can, as Cary says, meditate and "take it down to zero". If all that doesn't work, there's therapy.
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