update The following conversation pictures how most "princesses" (women) think.
"What type of man do I want to marry?" the young woman repeated the question over and again played in her head.
"Well, I want someone kind. And smart. But not the too-kind type that lets himself be walked on. And not the too-smart type that lets it get to his head. Someone who isn't too much into his books: someone sociable. A leader, the life of a party - but not someone who aggravates with his presence. I'd like him to be handsome, but not haughty. I'd like..."
"It sounds like you want to marry more than one person!"
She looked at the Rabbi, seated behind his desk. His smile was broad and his eyes twinkled.
"It sounds like you want to marry more than one person." Cited from Shimon Posner’s article "Finding love".
Hmm…are we all dreaming to an inexistent prince charming? Does he exist?
It is more and more emphasized that we, the girls, have read too many novels and those are not the real life…those are a game of imagination. Fiction is full of sparkles and infatuation, pink rivers of romance…fairy tales.
We have to be realistic and learn a precious lesson, there is no such thing as "the perfect human being", not masculine nor feminine for that matter. The person we fall in love with is not perfect, we have all the chances to see that after the butterflies find their way out of our stomach. Yet, the other’s qualities balance our lacks and our qualities balance his. There are things that cannot be changed within your prince’s personality and the bad news is that in time they can aggravate; therefore, ask God for guidance, try to see if you can live with his defects too. Are they compensated by his qualities?
Be prepared to find two or three defects that you’ll most probably have to live with. It is not a disaster, don’t freak out! If God wants you to marry a certain person HE will give you enough grace and inspiration to learn to live with those defects. Of course, I don’t include here physical aggression or stuff like that! I am confident that we all have the discernment to know what we can’t stand.
Love = Passion?
Also it is very important to make a clear distinction between passion and love. Although love includes passion, love is not passion, infatuation.
The passion focuses on the physical part of the relationship and it depends on it. The character is not that emphasized, in fact she or he might seem perfect! It is easy to love a beautiful girl or a handsome man yet, if there are no character features to complement that physical appearance, statistics show that these kind of marriages last for 2 up to 5 years, ending in divorce.
Why? When they are both gorgeous looking? After 2 years of living together, the physical part has the tendency to fade because the cruel reality steps in requiring the paying of bills (house, car etc.), requiring mutual trust, sound mind, decision making, raising children, etc. Those are not found in the good looks…
Love is the decision to remarry the same person every day; it is a constant act that depends on your will. Love is a growing process; it is built up by the small acts of everyday living together.
Right, so be realistic, make a clear separation between facts and fiction, do not freak out because you are perfect and prince Charming does not exist, pray for wisdom and discernment, make sure you love his personality not just his muscles.
Keep an open eye before you get married, be objective, listen to your parents’ opinion, see how your friends see your loved one and then put it all in the balance of prayer. Don’t hurry! Give it time, you can see the "real face" of the prince /princess only when you let enough time pass. It is usually after six months that the features of the real her or him start to show. That’s why, it is wise to wait at least one year before you say the final "I Do".
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