We're used to hearing about females being abused in general, but The Sun points out that there are many males who suffer from domestic abuse as well - and they come from all walks of life. The Sun reports:
The Next Step Housing Association runs ten refuges in Northamptonshire and its
residents range in age from 17 to 74.
All have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused at home.
One resident is Connor, 43, who was in a four-year relationship with a woman he loved - who constantly abused him:
“She once smashed my stereo into my face,” he says. “I
was always covered in scratches and bruises.
“Once I was so cut up I looked like Freddy Krueger. I’ve
still got scars on my arms from where she went for me with a Stanley knife.
“There’s one here that came from a potato peeler which she
dug right into my muscle.
“The police came out several times and would always ask HER
if she was OK. She knew she had a problem and would even tell them, ‘Look,
this is his blood on the floor. It’s me hitting him.’
But they didn’t take any notice.”
Authorities are always so quick to assume that the lady is being abused rather than the men. This story goes to show that some men just don't fight back, and have to endure physical and emotional pain from the people they love - which is sad in every abuse victim's case.
It's not even the case of these men being wimpy or anything: For example, Connor was a former builder's labourer - a strong guy, but he never hit his wife back, just because he loved her.
The residents of the Next Step homes all have different situations: One resident is a 22-year-old Pakistani man, hiding from his family who are trying to force him to marry a woman of their choice. He endured regular beatings from his relatives for disobeying them.
Another victim who took in a 31-year-old male friend, suffered while his friend, a drug addict and an alcoholic turned on him in violent rages. Joe, 58, a former carpenter says, "He wouldn't let me out of my home for eight days and when I did, he made me withdraw £500 and give it to him. It went on for
over a year, and he would turn on me nearly every day. I’m a
peaceful person and would never fight back. He nearly drove me to suicide.”
In another case, a 46-year-old Ian, who is nearly 6ft and weighs 14stone, suffered 12 months of daily violent beatings after moving in with his 5ft tall fiancee, Michelle Williamson.
Ian could have stopped her, but he was afraid he'd kill her if he tried, so he just let it be. Williamson was purely an evil spawn of the devil as she had scalded Ian with a steam iron; pouring boiling water over his genitals; thrust cigarettes up his nose and stubbed them onto his chest when she felt like it; smashed a gin bottle in his mouth; beat him with a claw hammer; and punched and beat him numerous times.
Her main excuse for beating him up was of Ian not loving her enough - which of course, was all in her head. Like many of these men, Ian never fought back because he loved her, and covered up for her behaviour when people asked him about his cuts and bruises.
"I expected to die. Her cruelty knew no bounds. I never retaliated because I knew I would have to kill her if I did - or she would just keep coming at me," Ian tells The Sun. Williamson's abuse doesn't just stop at the cruel beating:
Warped Williamson demanded Ian get an erection within five minutes of the
attack — or she would give him “the beating he deserved”.
He was unable to comply and she pummelled him until she was too exhausted to
continue. He recalled: “When she stopped I was so relieved to be
free of pain it honestly didn’t occur to me to leave.
“She was proud of the injuries she inflicted and would send me to
the shop to get her cigarettes straight after a beating.”
Ian also recalls the horrible experience of his fiancee pouring boiling water onto his genitals:
He said “Once she leapt from her chair
and yelled, ‘My abuse hasn’t worked, you still don’t
love me. Let’s see if a lap full of scalding water will help.’
“I heard the kettle click as it boiled. I was frozen to the spot.
Surely she wouldn’t do it.
“But she walked in and poured the whole kettle into my lap.
"I screamed in pain and desperately tried to lift my jogging bottoms from my skin
"Unbelievably, she went and refilled the kettle and did it again.
“I hobbled upstairs and as I prised the material away from my skin,
it split like an orange.
“She told me I couldn’t go to A&E and called a
chemist to deliver gauze bandages. I dressed the wounds myself. It took
weeks to heal.
Williamson's last attack on Ian was in April 2008, where she beat him up at 4am, and then smashed his head with a TV:
Ian said: “I was in so much pain and so tired. I heard her go to
another room, screaming she would kill me — and I believed her.”
Too weak to move, Ian stayed quiet and still — the only defence he
Raging Williamson ordered Ian downstairs and as he slumped in a chair she took
an iron bar and rained blows on his head.
Desperate Ian told her he could not see but she continued, striking him from
his shoulder down to his hand and then from his ribs to his feet until he
was on the floor, unable to move. Satisfied at last, evil Williamson
returned to bed.
Finally, an anonymous neighbour called the police, which ended Ian's abuse. Admitting the truth, for Ian, was "the hardest thing I've done." Williamson was sentenced last month, to a total of 18 years, on three counts of actual bodily harm and two of GBH.
After Williamson was arrested, Ian seeked shelter in a Salvation Army hostel until he got Williamson evicted. He then discovered she had empited his bank accounts, taken a second mortgage on his home, and run up thousands in debt on credit cards in his name - his home was repossessed. As a result of the abuse, Ian has been told by doctors that he needs reconstructive facial surgery.
The Sun writes:
Two women a week are killed by a current or former male partner. And one in
four women experiences domestic violence in their lifetime.
But Home Office figures also show two MEN die every three weeks at the
hands of a partner or ex. One in five men suffers domestic violence,
although this would include attacks by gay partners and relatives.
Victims of abuse should step forward, men and women alike, because nobody - absolutely nobody deserves this kind of treatment (except maybe the abusers themselves?). But the sad truth is, people go through his, and it's hard for them to escape, fear seemingly being the main reason. But if you do know of anyone being abused, DO something about it and call authorities - you could save a life, like how Ian's life and many others were saved.
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